Why Language Is Also About Sex and Pleasure
Labia. A word we all know. But why is a part of our body named after shame?
The good news? That is beginning to change. The Dikke Van Dale, the leading Dutch dictionary, has announced that it will add the word vulvalippen to the dictionary. Not as a replacement for schaamlippen (labia), but as a new, more anatomically neutral alternative. The existing term will continue to exist.
For us at Aia*, this is more than just a linguistic update.
Because the words we use to describe our bodies have everything to do with how free we feel in those bodies. And that includes sex, desire, and pleasure.
Why are they called ‘schaamlippen’ in the first place?
The Dutch word schaamlippen has a long history. It is connected to the Latin word pudenda, which refers to body parts one is supposedly meant to be ashamed of. That may sound like something from a distant past. But words carry history with them. We learn that certain body parts are ‘private’. That they are not always talked about. That they should be covered. That perhaps we would rather not look at them too closely. And at the same time, we are expected to discover our sexuality, get to know our bodies, communicate what feels good, and talk openly about sex. That is quite a contradiction.
How can we truly get to know our bodies if we are not even taught to talk about them without embarrassment?
Language is not neutral
Of course, using the word schaamlippen does not automatically make someone feel ashamed. For many people, it is simply the word they have always heard. But language can reinforce ideas. That is why vulvalippen is an interesting alternative. It is an anatomical term that refers to the vulva, without attaching an emotion or judgment to it. And that can make it easier to talk about our bodies.
From shame to curiosity
Perhaps sexual freedom begins much earlier than in the bedroom. With the words we learn. With knowing what a vulva looks like. With understanding what the clitoris does. With knowing that vulval lips come in all kinds of shapes, sizes, colours, and degrees of symmetry. With being able to say without embarrassment where something hurts. Or where something feels good. Sexual wellness begins with body literacy. And body literacy begins with language.
A vulva is not a problem that needs to be fixed
There is a lot of uncertainty surrounding vulvas and vulval lips. Are they too big? Too small? Too dark? Too asymmetrical? Do they look ‘normal’? But there is no such thing as a perfect vulva. And there is no such thing as a perfect set of vulval lips. What does exist is an enormous amount of natural variation. By talking about this openly and factually, we can take away some of that uncertainty. And that can create space for something much more enjoyable: more freedom to explore.
And then there is pleasure
Because knowing your body is not only important for your health. It is also important for pleasure. The vulva is part of sexuality. Of arousal. Of touch. Of desire. Of masturbation. Of sex with a partner. Of orgasms. Of discovering what works for you — and what doesn’t. If we want to normalise sexuality, that also means normalising our genitals. Not as something that needs to be looked at or judged. But as something that can be felt, experienced, and enjoyed. That is sexual autonomy.
Words give us more freedom
An important part of sexual health is having the words to describe what you feel and experience. It is easier to communicate what you want when you know what you are talking about. It is easier to explain that something hurts when you have the right words. And it is easier to explain what feels good when your body is no longer a mystery to you. The more easily we talk about vulvas, the clitoris, arousal, lubrication, orgasms, and masturbation, the less uncomfortable these subjects need to feel. Not because sex needs to become less intimate, but because shame is not the same as intimacy. You can consider something private and intimate without it being shameful.
So: vulval lips it is?
We say: yes! Not because everyone needs to ban the word schaamlippen from tomorrow onwards. That is not necessary. Both words can exist side by side. But because we like using words that create space to talk about our bodies. Space to ask questions. Space to get to know your body. Space to discover what feels good to you. And above all: space for pleasure.
Because a language in which we can talk about our bodies without shame can also contribute to a culture in which sexuality, desire, and pleasure are easier to discuss and experience. And that is something we at Aia* wholeheartedly support. Shame-free when it comes to our bodies. Free when it comes to our sexuality. And curious about our pleasure. 💙
