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Difficulty reaching orgasm (for vulva owners)

If there is a god, it has made a small design flaw. Because there is so much space between the vagina and the clitoris that the clitoris of many vagina owners is not stimulated during penetrative sex. And that's why they can't come through penetration.

In addition, there are a lot of other reasons why people with vulva can have trouble coming. But luckily there are also countless ways to solve this orgasm deficiency. If you want, of course: sex without a climax can be just as good as cake without icing.

Why am I not coming?

People with a vulva take an average of fifteen to twenty minutes to reach their climax. This is often faster for penis owners: just seven minutes.

When vagina owners have sex with themselves or with each other, 90% and 80% respectively come. This percentage is much lower for heterosexuals. That is very often a matter of time: with vagina owners it all takes a bit longer. Nice is not it? Can you enjoy each other longer.

There are many reasons why some people with a vagina have trouble coming. A list of possible causes:

  • You are not excited or tense
  • The clitoris is not stimulated enough or in the right way, by yourself, your bed partner or your silicone attribute
  • You want to go too fast or take too little time for each other
  • Stimulating the clitoris feels uncomfortable or overwhelming
  • It's 'between the ears': you are distracted or too busy reaching your peak
  • You have trouble getting wet
  • You suffer from 'spectatoring': you wonder whether you are doing it right, whether you are not doing anything crazy, whether the other person is also having a good time
  • Fatigue, stress or other psychological causes
  • Alcohol and drugs
  • Hormonal changes
  • Difficulty getting excited
  • Unfamiliarity of the bed partner with the anatomy of the vulva
  • Poor communication between bed partners
  • A medical cause or desire-lowering drug use

Is it normal that I don't cum?

It's probably not fun, but normally it is. Three-quarters of vulva owners sometimes have problems with ejaculation. And a quarter often suffer from this. Some vulva owners never even come.

So there is absolutely nothing wrong with you if you rarely or never come.

How does an orgasm occur?

When you get excited, your blood flows faster. The clitoris and inner labia swell and the vagina becomes moist. You start breathing faster and you get warm.

Friction on or around the clitoris increases the sexual tension.

How do I make sure I come?

Rome was not built in a day. You don't learn how to cum in one day either. First of all, it is important to learn what you like. Then you can try this later with your partner.

1. Get to grips with it first

    Masturbating – and experimenting while masturbating – is the very best way to do this. Most vagina owners come with constant friction on the clitoris on a steady rhythm for a long time, while others prefer to experience pressure around the clit.

    But if you don't know what makes you peak, you can't expect that from someone else either. So practice a lot with yourself!

    2. Moisturize your body parts well

        If you have trouble making fluid or suffer from vaginal dryness, you probably won't come. Sometimes getting wet is a matter of time, attention and the right sexual stimuli. Such as a touch, a massage, dirty talk, talking about an erotic fantasy or a sex movie.

        Sometimes you can use some help. Don't worry, we've got your back with our natural lubricant. Not a hysterical pink squeeze bottle that immediately spoils your sentence, but a beautiful glass bottle that does not distract from what you are doing.

        3. Take your time and don't focus on your orgasm

        If you want too badly, the chance is smaller that you will succeed. So try to let it go in your head and enjoy all the other nice things that happen in the meantime. Because of the sexual excitement this produces, you come more easily.

        Let go of the utopia of the simultaneous orgasm. This is only for the lucky few. As we mentioned, vagina owners often need at least another ten minutes to orgasm after the penis person is already done. Give each other that time.

        4. Hand position: stimulate your clit during penetrative sex

        80% of women need clitoral stimulation to climax. During penetration sex, choose a position that stimulates the clitoris. Or better yet, finger yourself during penetrative sex, or have your partner do it.

        Some vulva owners don't come even then. In such cases, a toy can help. You must have noticed the satisfyer hype. That's because for many people with a clitoris, it's a gift from the sex gods!

        5. There's more than just the clit

        You only reach an orgasm when you are extremely aroused. For many vulva owners, this requires not only a focus on the clitoris, but also attention to other erogenous zones. The neck, breasts, nipples, soles of the feet. By 'body mapping' - examining all the spots on the body together or alone - you find out where yours are.

        6. Add an extra tingle

        It is worth trying a stimulating gel. This is specially designed to stimulate the clitoris. The gel provides a tingling sensation, which makes you extra excited, produces more moisture and makes it easier to come.


        Not being able to cum as a vulva owner is quite normal. The best solutions are: practicing with yourself, taking more time with each other, making sure - with your own fluids or a little help from a bottle - you are wet enough and focusing on the clitoris as well as other erogenous zones.

        Have fun at the top!


        Stimulating Gel

        This natural water-based cooling gel is made from food-grade menthol and designed to stimulate the clitoris. As well as being vegan and paraben-free, it is also oil-free, meaning it is safe to use with all materials (such as toys and condoms).

        Shop our Stimulating Gel


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